I am sitting here trying not to be bitter and angry. I am struggling in a HUGE way and each day that passes is one more day closer to the marathon. It is 3 weeks from today. I feel like this goal is becoming more unrealistic everyday. I am pissed off and sad that my sickness setback has thrown me back to the beginning. I have have not had a decent run since my 16 miler!! It seems the harder I try, the worse I get.
I am not sure what is going on with me but my body just quits when I go out an run. My lungs are still burning and my legs feel like concrete. This weekend I ran, if you can call it that. I didn't have any distance expectations I just wanted to go out and do it. I ran for about 5-6 minutes at a time before my legs just stopped. Each time I went out, my round trip mileage was around 3 miles. My mental game was no match for my legs that could not move me. I keep hoping that with every run, it will be the one to pull me out of whatever is going on.....so far it hasn't happened.
I am not giving up. Common sense might be telling me to hang it up and try again next year. But we all know that I don't have much in the common sense department. I am completely throwing out my training plan at this point and going to get myself to 16 miles. If I can do 16, I may have a fighting chance. There will be no taper. I am just going to suck it up and deal with these shitty runs. Really, I have nothing to lose at this point. I just have to keep trying.
Now I am not going to be completely crazy either. If things get much worse, I will have to pull the plug. I will be going to the doctor again to see if I am dealing with residual effects from the infections from the last couple of weeks. I am also going to start popping some seasonal allergy drugs to see if that makes a difference with my breathing. This has been a horrible year for allergies and I am a chronic sufferer. I hate taking allergy drugs but again, I will suck it up and see if it helps.
Enough of the Debbie Downer stuff. Worrying about it is not going to make things better. At this point, I will be doing the marathon (positive thoughts, positive thoughts, positive thoughts). On a good note, I got some new running shoes this weekend (I had to find SOME sort of silver lining)!!
I hope to pull out of this running funk ASAP. Until then, pardon the pity party.