Saturday, July 30, 2011

I Have Sold My Soul to the Devil

Twin Cities Marathon is in a little over 9 weeks and I am still struggling with my running.  I came to the realization that if I am going to do this race, I need professional help (both mental and physical). With the recommendation of a friend, I reached out to our Boot Camp Bitch Instructor and I explained my situation.  I told her that come hell or high water, I was going to cross the finish line on October 2nd and I asked her if she thought she could help me.  She took me to do a fitness assessment and wrote down all sorts of things on a piece of paper.  She confirmed what I already knew, I was in rough shape.....pathetic really and no where near the condition of a marathon runner.  I was kind of nervous that she would laugh in my face and reject my insane goal.  She then stated "I would rock that marathon".  I signed on the dotted line and hired her for 8 weeks.
I have had two sessions with her and she makes Jillian Michaels look like a push-over.  I ran stairs with a medicine ball overhead, did wall sits, squats with weights, and inverted pull-ups.  I pushed and pulled a heavy boxing bag through a studio and I did some heavy tire flipping.  So far she she is keeping it interesting.  I felt pretty bad ass that I was able to complete her workouts, especially the upper body one.

Well.....It has been two days since my last session and the DOMS have set in.  OH MY GOD, I cannot straighten my arms.  AT. ALL.  I am walking around like the Hulk.  I know I am not being a wuss because my arms are actually SWOLLEN (although all of my co-workers would disagree because of my constant whining). Please excuse the elephantiasis-like arm.
With that said, she keeps my goal in mind and only pushes me as far as she knows I can go and even helps me out at times.  Right now I need to be pushed like she is pushing me.  I have been down for so long that I have forgotten what it it is like to really work hard.  It is a nice to have a reminder that I can still do this.   Even with the sore, swollen muscles...I think she will get me to my goal.

Monday, July 25, 2011

Warrior Dash

First, I feel like I need to get my head checked because I SIGNED UP FOR THIS!  The waiver was plain crazy....I feel like I signed away less doing my mortgage papers.  My favorite line was "water has not been tested for dangerous chemicals or disease".  Keep in mind, this girl will not swim in a lake.  With that out of the way, we picked up our packets and had a few moments to take in our surroundings.

Our wave started promptly at 8:30AM with a fire cannon.  Chubby Hubby and I started running when we hit the timing mat.  We were very cheery until we saw the crazy MOUNTAIN hill in front of us.  We knew there were going to be hills, after all the race was held at Afton Alps Ski Resort, but we were not expecting to run up an entire ski slope while we were in our starting euphoria.  Let me tell you it was not a bunny was a frickin' black diamond, steep ass, lean into it hill.  We ran about a quarter of the hill before we decided to say screw this conserve energy.  I reviewed the course online prior to the event, I seriously think that battleground map was just more of a suggested course because this was not like the website indicated.

We finally huff and puff our way to the top and we have our first set of obstacles.  It was a junk yard of cars to climb over.  Climbing through the cars and tires were easy enough, though I had to tread lightly because of the sharp objects that could potentially puncture a person.  I survived that without too much trauma.   Then we were off to the next surprise......there was some water spraying.  It didn't occur to me that that was an obstacle, I thought the water was there as a cool off mechanism.  NOPE.  They were snow making sprayers and we had to run through them.  The force and pressure of this water was crazy.  I was so disorientated when I came out of it.

Once I completed the first couple of obstacles it was all downhill from there.  Literally downhill. And then back uphill, and back down.  I would run as much as I could on the uphill, walk with long strides the rest, and then I would gingerly run the downhill...usually sideways.  It was pretty slick in spots because of the mud and water.  My goal was not do die or blow out a knee.  Success!

Yeah....I jumped that.
The other course obstacles were challenging and required a lot of upper body strength.  There were walls to jump, barbed wire to duck under. There were cargo nets and high walls to scale, boards to balance, and a dark tunnel to crawl into.  I completed all of the obstacles except one....the high cargo net.  I am TERRIFIED of heights.  I got about half way up and froze with fear when I realized I could see for miles!  I felt sick and it didn't help that the netting was not a solid stable surface.  I climbed down and walked around that one.  I made up for that obstacle doing the next one where I scaled the high wall with a rope.  I whimpered a bit but felt pretty bad ass after I conquered it.  The last 3 obstacles were awesome!  There was a water slide (which I have a pretty rad bruise on my leg from hitting the end), fire hurdles, and finally the mud pit/barbed wire crawl to the finish.

Chubby Hubby and I stuck together most of the race.  There were times I ran ahead of him, but he always caught up to me doing the obstacles. We finished together.  It was a very fun race and I can't wait to do another one.  The only thing I would do different would be to have a whole team of people to add to the fun factor and to have a person to "crew".  We left our stuff in our car and we were shuttled in from the parking lot.  At the finish we didn't have any of our cash.  We ended up leaving the party a little early.  Next time we will know better!  This was a double thumbs up race!

My official results were:
Time:  1:00:01  19:52/Mile
AG Place:  492
Place:  7645  NOT LAST!!!

Me looking tough after showing that wall who was boss!

A beer never tasted so good!

Believe it or not this is after we were hosed off.
I make horns look good!

Still so dirty

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Mile High Blogging


Chubby Hubby and I are Vegas Bound. This is our first trip that we have taken together sans kids since 2001! While I am crammed into a window seat and the douche bag sitting in front of me reclined his seat back so his chair is in my lap, I have decided to type up a really really really really long blog post with the hope of my constant clicking will get his damned head out of my face. I am not much of a flyer and this kind of shit kills me. I am also not much of a people person when it comes to the general public. Do not get me started on the boarding process and watching people deal with carry on luggage. Chubby hubby denied my request to upgrade to first class and I am now giving him stink eye (although, I am way way way too cheap to pay for the upgrade…..we are not getting there any quicker).  Thankfully I can amuse myself with the safety instruction card.  First of all, why do they have a ballerina shown in the diagram?  Second, why is the baby in the 3rd row a floatation device?  Then finally,  if we are heading for a nosedive crash....I am not bracing myself....I will be slamming mini bottles of booze!

So enough about in flight bitching….WE ARE ON VACATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The children and wonder mutt are visiting my parents for the week. I called to see how things were going and my mother’s response was “Welll…..” that is when my cell phone decided to be a stinker and drop her call. Hmmmm…..funny how that happens. (just kidding mama: )

Because I do not feel like reading or sleeping, here is a run down of my random thoughts:
  • I am absolutely loving hot yoga!!!! I sweat like a whore in church, soaking through multiple towels but I feel amazing when I am done and my skin looks FABULOUS.
  • I had an appointment with the doctor and I got some awesome news….my iron level is back up to double digits. Not quite normal, but it is getting there. It is wonderful not getting winded vacuuming .
  • Since I am so far behind in my training, I have partnered up with one of the trainers that taught that hellish boot camp class. I explained where I am in training and what I want to accomplish. She gave me an evil smile and said “your ass is mine.” She will own me for the next 8 weeks.. I am a little scared, but I think this is going to be exactly what I need. She did an initial assessment and I found that my balance is way way way off on my left side. We are going to be working with weights, balancing and she will be giving me cardio homework. I do believe I will be expected to start going to boot camp again. I can’t weasel my way out of it when my trainer I is the teacher. 
  • I got a pre-Las Vegas pedicure and I grossed out the pedicurist.  People say that is not possible.  Yes, yes it is.   I was mildly embarrassed but kind of proud at the same time. She took the cheese grater looking thing to my callouses. She filed my feet down so my skin is as smooth as a baby's ass so it was hard to protest when she was making my most shameful part of my body look as nice as they could. I kept telling myself that she probably as seen worse. She kept making some strange faces as she filed….she would then make a comment about how bad they were then I would respond that I run. She gave me the “yeah right” look. Then she did the unthinkable…..she showed me what she sloughed off!! I just about puked. If that wasn’t bad .enough….she tapped the pedicurists next to her showed her and they looked at me and started laughing. Hmmmmpf…..I could totally relate to Elaine from Seinfeld. All embarrassment aside….my toes look fabulous!


As far as Vegas is concerned I can’t wait to get there. What is your favorite must do thing in Sin City? Chubby Hubby and I are looking for some fun stuff to do.

Well that was fun….the booze cart is heading our way.

*****Please excuse the typos and bad grammar, It was hard to see what I typed****

Thursday, July 7, 2011

My Experience-Hot Yoga

A little while back, I got a Groupon for Hot Yoga.  Reading blogs lead me to believe that this was the most super awesome thing in the whole wide world!  It seemed like a  must do for everyone.  Since the price was right and the location of the studio was basically in my backyard, I hit the purchase button for an unlimited one month membership (I heart Groupon!).

I have to admit, I was scared to try it.  I was not scared of the yoga experience, I was scared of being grossed out.  Reading reviews of people's experiences with hot yoga literally had me gagging and dry heaving.  I imagined the smell of  feet wafting through the room and coming into close contact with stranger's sweat as it hits the floor.  I was also afraid of passing out or puking since I have no heat tolerance....I am after all a Minnesota girl.
Last night was my first night.  My friend and I got to the studio 30 minutes early as requested for our orientation.  We were greeted by an extremely buxom woman wearing spandex and a sports bra with red, blue, and green hair.   She did not have a yoga instructor's body and she spoke with a thick New York accent.  She also has a very unique name....the kind of name  reserved for the very artsy crowd and yoga instructors.   I was weirded out and it was all a little much for me.  I fought to keep an open mind but all I could think was WTF!!!! (I loved this woman after only spending 2 minutes with her!)

The time came for the hot yoga.  When I walked into the studio, the 105 degrees took my breath away. 
The instructor arranged us so we could be around experienced people since we were brand new to the class.  She taught the class by walking around correcting our form and describing the poses.  I loved this method because Pilates was not like that at  all.   The hour seemed to fly by and I survived.  I swear I sweat out about 20lbs when it was over.

The verdict:  I LOVED IT!  I felt great.  I was more relaxed than I have been in a long long long time.  I was completely surprised that I liked it so much.  I was in the shittiest mood when I went into it and I came out a different person.  No puking, no fainting, no farting (although someone else did and I didn't laugh...yeah me!).  I liked it so much that I went back tonight for another round.  After my Groupon is up, I will absolutely need to incorporated this workout into my routine.  Hot Yoga.....2 thumbs up!!!! more thing.....I thought yoga was kind on an easy workout.  NOT!  I was so sore today and I anticipate that I will not be able to walk tomorrow!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

3rd Annual Independence Rocks!

Two weeks without a blog post?  That is seriously crazy, and perhaps it might be Chubby Hubby's dream if I my typing silent streak transferred to my verbal communication.

Happy 4th of July!  I am sitting here reflecting on the awesome awesome weekend we had with our family and friends.  I can't help but get the warm fuzzies being surrounded by so many loved ones to celebrate a holiday weekend.  We are truly blessed.  No, it is not just the wine talking....this time.

If you have been a reader of my blog for awhile, you know the the 4th of July heavily celebrated at our house.  Our town has a celebration that spans several days and the same goes for our household.  We participate in many of the planned events as well as throwing a few of our own traditions.  We attend the carnival for people watching, bad rides and mini donuts.  We have a crazy 3rd of July party.  Then of course there is the parade and fireworks.   The best part is....everything is in walking distance.  I have a detailed recap below.

The Carnival:
Last year's carnival was EPIC.  The people watching was maybe the highlight of the weekend.  The photos I took may have saved my place in hell, but damn they were funny.  This year, the carnival was tame.  No arrests.  No hookers.  No bad fashion statements.   I was left to find my own carnival entertainment and I found it in the form of an airbrushed t-shirt stand!  New this year!!!

I could have spent hours looking at their gallery.  I came across one with my name on it.  Chubby Hubby would not drop the $18 on this for me.  Hmmmmfp.  So I got one for him.....I couldn't decide between the airbrushed hearts with arrows and our names on them or the one with the mean looking wolf.  I opted for simplicity.  I got one that said "Donner's Girl" (my sweet pet name for Chubby Hubby)  because I want everyone to know that I am a taken woman!  Nothing says true love like an airbrushed tshirt. 

The carnival would not be the carnvial without some rides.  I went on two...the spinning bears and the tilt-a-whirl.....I was green and just about puked.  Thankfully, my brother was a champ to take the boys on the really wild rides (looks safe right?).

After the "Round-up", they weren't doing so hot.....

The Party:
I just have to sum it up in a few words....good friends, family, coney dogs, beer margaritas, creepy Sponge Bob bounce house, food, lots of laughs, and really really really illegal fireworks!!!!!  Thank you Mother Nature for the PERFECT day.  I am not sure what I would have done with 80 some people in my tiny house if the weather was bad!

The Parade:
My boys always love the 4th of July parade. Imagine their delight when they found out they were going to rollerblade in it with their hockey association! Imagine my surprise when I found out we were ALL going to march in the parade....even Diva was part of the fun. There wasn't a huge turnout and they needed help passing out candy. I got  the oh so very important job of carrying the banner. It was a lot of fun but very HOT!
The fireworks did not happen for me.  The boys and Chubby Hubby went to watch them but I was way too tired.  Diva and I stayed and watched through the trees at our house.   We only watched for a few minutes before were threw in the towel and decided to gracefully end the celebration by heading to bed and let the exploding fireworks lull us to sleep.  Even though we bowed out a bit early, this 4th of July was one of the BEST!  Can't wait for next year!!!!

I did more than just celebrate the 4th (read:  eat and drink).....I had my very first run with my oldest child. I like to think I am a great influence on him (patting myself on the back). He thinks I am the coolest person in the world because I run(yeah, so I may have a big head about it). He is signed up for his very first 5K in August. We are going to run it together. I am very excited because he is so excited. We went for our very first training run together this weekend and he did very well! Almost too well, I was struggling to keep up. We did a total of 3.36 miles and there were only a couple of walk breaks (probably because I needed them). He made it look easy and he is ready to rock on with more training.

I hope everyone had a safe holiday weekend.