Riding the Pole

Last night I did something that I promised my parents I would never do.....I rode the pole. Yes, and I do mean a stripper pole.

How did I get into this situation?  I attended my friend's super fabulous birthday party and she had a mystery destination for us.  We met at her house and a big ol' van came haul 14 wild and half in the bag crazy broads us to a place called the Wolves Den Fitness.  As we pulled up, the van of squealing women saw the several stations of port-a-poles through the windows.  I should mention that these windows lacked any sort of privacy....what we were about to do was going to be available for the world to see.

If my thoughts were audible you would have heard holyshitholyshitsholyshitholyshitholyshit....All I could think about was the video of the chick bringing down the stripper pole on You Tube.  Ughhh....that is all I would need. FAT CHICK DOWN!

We met our instructor and it was clear she had a lot of experience in the business if you catch my drift.  It didn't take long for all of us to find our inner strippers and have fun with the poles.  I think some of the women in our party have other jobs.....just sayin'.  One mother of 4 (who is 45 BTW) grabbed the pole and did an inverted slide.  WTF????  She is my HERO!



Me, my moves were more basic.  Climbing up on the platform was challenging enough.  I did manage to swing around the pole but the first time I did it there was an incident.  My legs got tangled at the bottom and twisted.  It took another person to untangle me.  I got a charlie horse and I lost a shoe....it is dangerous.  But after that, I learned a dismount(involving a cat crawl).  I was trying to look sexy whilst practicing my pole dancing and I was told that I A) Looked like I was in pain, B) that I looked fierce, C) that I looked constipated.   *sigh*  I tried.  This is my hot move of the night:

I did name myself Fantasia Glitzthighs (I found my stripper name here)

Maybe someday, I will be able to do the inverted slide like our instructor (whom I call Tits Mcgee)....

PPR (Post Pole Reflections)

• The art of the pole dance is really hard
• pole dancing is great for the core
• I am sore in places that I didn't know could be sore
• I have never laughed so hard in my life
• Suburban mothers can shock you 
• My time on the pole may have been the best remedy for the funk that I have been in.
• I will keep my day job.

Hope everyone had a wonderful weekend!  Stay tuned tomorrow for a guest post by  Hot Sweaty Mamas.....and a giveaway too!