Friday, November 23, 2012


I can't believe that Thanksgiving was yesterday.    I am stuffed to the gills and not with just all the fantastic food but with how blessed we are.

Thanksgiving highlights:
  • 1 short run.... .3525 (notice the decimal point is BEFORE the 3).  I started coughing and cramping after that so I called it quits.
  • 2 Dinners.  Dinner number one was with my inlaws and dinner #2 was at my aunts house.
  • Thanksmas.  Dinner number was was a Thanksgiving and Christmas combo.  We have named this event Thanksmas. 
  • Jeans with the ass blown out.  Yep.  I split my freeeekin' jeans.  They were getting a bit tight during the stressful times in our house and they couldn't take it anymore.  
  • A sick dog.  My chewy little piss monster got into the garbage and ate ham scraps.  Nothing makes me want to eat ham leftovers more than cleaning up ham smelling dog barf.
  • Five glasses of wine.  Yeeee Hawwwww.
  • 1 Target run at 9PM.  CRAZY.
  • Crazy weather.   It was sunny and it the 60's in the morning and by 5PM, we had snow.  UGH.
  • 1 inappropriate dinner story.  *see below

Just like turkey and taters are a Thanksgiving tradition, telling crazy inappropriate stories are part of what my family does.  Topics include flatulence, extraordinary bowel movements, and detailed recounts of one's Colonoscopy.  It was my turn to have one this year.  Though it was not gross, my inappropriate story for the dinner table was how Playboy magazine got introduced to my boys last weekend.  My poor babies were subjected to full frontal at the very young age of 10 and 8.

It all started when Chubby Hubby, my dad, and my boys went to my brother's house to help him do a few odds and ends.  The men (Chubby Hubby, brother, and dad) were outside and the boys were hanging indoors watching Sponge Bob (or porn for all I know).  Somehow, the boys were drawn to the stack of mail sitting on my brother's table and in that pile contained a brand new Playboy.  When the men came back in a few minutes later the magazine was flipped over and the mail was not in its neat little pile.

My brother pulled my middle child aside and asked if he touched the mail.  Middle child responded with a quizzical look on face and said no, he didn't know what he was talking about.  Then he kind of changed his story and remembered that his big brother was looking through his mail and that he definitely remembers a "poster".  OH.MY.GOD!  My brother pulled my oldest aside and asked him the same question.  His response was the EXACT opposite of his little brother's story.  They were throwing each other under the bus.

Later that night at dinner, the two boys were giggling about the incident and how they saw "butts".  I let them know I was not happy that they dug through their uncle's mail pile.  They looked at their uncle and said that it was his fault that they saw the magazine and preceded to lecture him about leaving inappropriate items out where children can find them.  God, I love my kids.  Please don't judge my brother for subscribing to Playboy.  He is not the pervert you think.  He only reads it for the articles and as my eight year old pointed out, there was a REALLY cool car on the back cover.

 Ahhh good times.  I love my crazy family!

After we got home from all the feasting (and drinking), I started to hunker down and get cozy.  That didn't last long because my BFF called and asked if I wanted to check out Target at 9PM.  Normally I am not a Black Friday person because, well, I hate people.  Since I was half in the bag in the Christmas spirit, I told her to pick me up in 5 minutes.  We walked through the doors and it was pure chaos.  I felt so dirty....but it was some of the best people watching I have ever seen.  I am not sure how I feel about Black Friday shopping, on one hand I love a good deal and it is kind of fun shop in an out of the ordinary experience.  But on the other hand, seeing people scramble for material things is pretty disgusting.  I took advantage of a movie deal, some kid PJs, toothpaste, and milk.  I don't think I will participate again.  Do you do Black Friday?  Why or why not?

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving!


Michelle Dragoo said...

OMG! I nearly spit my wine out reading this! BAHAHAHAHA!

Nora said...

I am laughing out loud about your son commenting on the really cool car on the back cover!! I'll bet that's what he remembers most about that magazine!

Ugh, Black Friday shopping. No thank you. I hate shopping anyway, so Black Friday is like my worst imagined version of H-E-double hockey sticks.

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